Numb
by Moosagi
Summary: When a fellow sailor dies, Kate blames herself and loses all feeling. Mike/Kate


Disclaimer: I do no own Sea Patrol or any of its characters.

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Kate fell onto her couch, shivering as the darkness surrounded her, making her feel alone. She drew her knees up to her chest, wrapping her arms around them in an effort to comfort herself. Guilt ripped through her as images of Swain's body flashed through her mind. It was her fault he had been shot, her fault that tonight Sally would be sleeping in an empty bed, her fault that Chloe would now be fatherless. She couldn't feel the tears that slid down her face and was oblivious to any other feeling than the guilt ripping through her.

Her body continued to tremble, whether it was the cold creeping up on her or the welling up of unknown emotions, she couldn't tell. Since the moment Swain had coughed out his last breath, his hand tightening about hers before his fingers slipped away, she had lost all feeling. Hands had tugged at her, pulling her away from his bloodied body and Mike gave a comforting hug as she came back on board. She felt nothing but guilt.

She continued to stare blankly at the wall in front of her, the only movement coming from the occasional blink of her eyes and the gentle rising and falling of her chest.

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Mike walked away from Swain's house, unable to cope with Sally's grief any longer. He had expected Kate to come with he and Marshall when they delivered the news, to shed a bit more light on what had occurred. Kate didn't though, acting very unlike herself when she practically disappeared as soon as the boat docked.

It made things harder for him too. Whilst telling Sally what had happened, he wished she had been there, that he had been able to draw some strength off her. But she wasn't and he had to depend on the others instead. It had surprised him at first when Charge, Buffer and ET offered to come, each wanting to support Sally in their own way. Nav tagged along too, her excuse being that she could handle Chloe whilst the boys told Sally. In hindsight, he was glad they had all come, he was able to draw strength from each of them in a small way. Buffer had been able to tell Sally a small part of what had happened, but he wasn't there when Swain died; Kate was.

Mike leant against his car, ice-blue eyes glancing up to the darkening sky. His heart tore as he heard a sob waft out from the house, followed by girlish giggles. Grief tore through him, causing tears to well up in his eyes, and he quickly turned to climb in his car. He wouldn't cry, not when he was outside Swain's house and not when others needed him. His mind was elsewhere as he started the car and just drove.

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Her mind played back the events that occurred hours before as she continued to stare. She didn't hear the car as it pulled up into her driveway, nor the sound of someone knocking on her door. A key turning in the lock passed right by her, even the door closing didn't pull her from her thoughts. The playback hit the point of Mike giving her a hug and she was brought from her thoughts as she felt his arms tighten about her, his breath softly tickling her as he buried his head into the crook of her neck.

"Mike."

His name was meant to be a whisper, her acknowledgment that he was there, holding her. It came out as a strangled sob and she started to unravel as his tears ran down her neck. She felt the grief rear its head, fighting off the guilt for a brief moment before both combined, sending her over the edge and causing sobs to rack her body. He pulled her down into his lap, holding her until the echoes of sobs long gone silently filtered through the house. She raised her head, teary eyes locking onto his, and he was struck by the lack of emotion in them. There was nothing but guilt and grief, the two emotions swirling around in her green depths.

"Kate, you can't blame yourself…" He whispered the words, afraid that if he spoke to loudly he would startle her, and she would leave him. His hand slipped down her back, gently moving in circles to soothe her as he watched the tears pool again.

She shook her head at him, adamant that if someone were to be blamed, it would be her. "It was my fault. I left him there… on his own. I should have left someone with him. Now… now Sally and Chloe…"

The words faded off into sobs as guilt flooded through her again. He tightened his hold about her, whispering nonsense in her ear in an attempt to calm her.

"I can't feel anything… just the guilt."

The words were whispered, barely even audible yet he heard them. He looked at her and could tell that she wasn't reacting to his touch in any way. Gently wiping away the tears that continued to flow, he let out a soft sigh.

"I don't blame you. The crew doesn't blame you and neither do Sal or Chloe. It was an accident… a freakish, unfortunate accident that shouldn't have happened. Please don't blame yourself." His last words came out in a tone that was asking her, pleading her to forgive herself.

She knew that if she allowed herself to stay numb, she would push him away and push all their friends away. So, with a desperation she had never felt before, she leant in and kissed him. He sighed softly as their lips met, his hand sliding around into her hair, tugging it out of the bun it was tightly tied into. She let out a soft moan as his lips continued to tease her, each light touch bringing back a small amount of feeling. Her eyes met his when she finally pulled back, and she noticed that they had darkened in desire.

"Help me feel again…"

He moved in, lips instantly moulding against hers, hands drifting down her sides to rest gently on her hips. Her arms wrapped around his neck and she pulled herself against him, shifting her position so she was straddling him. A low growl escaped as she pressed into him, his hands clutching at her waist. She felt his lips move down her neck, each kiss tantalisingly gentle. Her head fell back, her body arching against him. Desire ripped through him, causing him to harden against her as her soft gasps echoed about the room.

When he reached the top of her shirt he stopped, her Navy badges in his sight, reminding him of the many rules they were breaking. Her hands threaded through his hair, clutching at it as he nipped her collarbone, pushing all thoughts of the rules from his head. He tugged at each button before slipping the material off her shoulders, causing her to gasp as the cool air hit her skin, before she arched into his warmer touch. She needed him, more than he could imagine.

His hand wandered teasingly over her breast, causing her to she let out a low moan as his thumb grazed along the edge of her bra. She reached for his shirt, desperately undoing his buttons, running her fingers along his now bare chest. His hands moved to cradle her back as he gently pushed her down, his body pinning her to the floor. Her breathing quickened as his hands slipped down her torso, reaching for her belt as her own hands tugged his shirt off.

There was desperation in their movements as both tried to free each other from the confines of their stiff uniforms. She arched beneath him as he lowered himself, his arousal pressing into her. Her hands gripped at his shoulders, desire sweeping through her as she whimpered in anticipation. His lips trailed down her body, placing a lingering, teasing kiss along her abdomen before reaching the waistline of her pants. He pulled back and tugged both pants and underwear off with one swift movement.

She shivered as he slid back up, his hand tracing every curve as though committing it to memory before placing his lips back onto hers. Her hands drifted down fingers fumbling with the belt buckle as he continued to kiss her, his lips teasing her with each movement. Finally loosening the buckle, she pushed desperately at his pants, wanting nothing more than to feel him inside her. The ache she felt for him was uncomfortable but pleasant at the same time.

"Mike," she pleaded with him, her words coming out in nothing more than a breathless whisper.

She raised her hips, his arousal pressing into her, causing them both to let out loud moans. In a matter of seconds he was inside her and she could feel him… all of him. His hands caressed her softly, his fingers just skimming over her skin, his lips moving over her jaw line and making their way down along her neck. He began to move, slow, tantalising thrusts that had her wanting more, begging for more. She pulled him closer, hips rising to meet his every thrust.

Oblivious to the outside world, all she was aware of was the feel of him. The way he felt with each thrust, harder and faster each time, the way his skin rubbed against her, the feel of his heat radiating off him but, most importantly, the feelings he was bringing out in her. Her body burned, pleasure ripping through her as he moved faster, the heat inside of her building with each thrust. As the pressure began to build between them, their grips on one another tightened. Both were numb, unable to feel anything but the desire and pleasure firing through them.

As Mike felt himself nearing release, he snaked his hand between them, his gentle touch causing a new wave of arousal to crash through Kate. With a strangled moan, her hips bucked beneath him, her body shuddering as he sent her over the edge. Every part of her felt like it was on fire and she could feel everything again. Through her slowly dimming senses, she felt Mike's hands grip her hips, thrusting desperately before letting out a low, deep moan. She felt him release inside of her and for a moment she felt at peace. Her eyelids flickered shut and her breathing evened out. Mike glanced at her, his own eyelids slowly drooping. A slow smile crossed his face as he fell asleep, relieved that he had been able to bring her some happiness.

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As Kate came to awareness, she thought that the day's events must have been nothing more than a nightmare. The euphoria she felt and the warmth enveloping her gave her the idea that nothing could be wrong. But then she noticed the puffiness of her eyes and the dry, hoarseness of her throat, and knew that her world was about to come crashing down around her. Sally would be alone in her cold bed, her husband no longer warm. Yet Kate was here, lying in Mike's warm, comforting arms and she didn't deserve it. Slowly, the tears started falling again and a strangled sob made it's way up her throat.

He felt her stiffness and knew what she was thinking. A few moments later his suspicions were confirmed as a sob echoed around them. Instinctively he pulled her closer, his hands moving up and down her back as he tried to comfort her. He knew that his whispers were falling on deaf ears though and he knew it would take more than his words to make her feel better. She would need professional help and as he held her, he knew that he would stand by her no matter what. He would not leave her side this time. He would stay by her no matter what life threw in their way.


End file.
